You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
