I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
