My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
