Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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