exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
