Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
