After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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