I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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