Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
