the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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