I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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