summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
