Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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