just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
