i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
