so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just crazy horny about you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
