I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
