you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
