Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
