I cannot find my penis.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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