Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
