My liver just broke up with me...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
