I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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