Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
