who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
