Soap is not a condiment
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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