Just cropdusted the office
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
