At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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