I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
