i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
