I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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