I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
