i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
