my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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