Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
