The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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