The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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