dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
