its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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