You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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