It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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