so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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