is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
