8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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