Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
