just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
