That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
