Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
