CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
