i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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