my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
where am i from again
she smelled like a LAN party
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
