They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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