you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
