I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
