i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
