All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
