My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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