Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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