It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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