I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
