just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
