When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
