I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
