recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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