Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
