I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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