I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
