OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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