I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize