He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
