He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
