Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're like the curious george of whores
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
