my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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