I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
